Mama Mack Brown

"Sniffle Sniffle. Coach! Why am I being such a failure on/off the field?"

Mack Brown addresses this type of quandary daily. It's okay, he's seasoned on how to handle it. If it's trouble with the law, he'll dial up one of his lawyer buddies. If it's some type of unfairness directed at the University of Texas football program, the only program entitled to win any game, any award, and any spot in a BCS bid, then it'll be endless whining and crying from mama. If it's poor on field performance, then certainly God was upset at him for something, but hey, lets find an excuse!

Mack Brown recently embraced his former baby quarterback Vince Young by going on (big surprise) a national broadcasted media outlet to cry and moan about how his player was unfairly treated by the Heisman voting since Reggie Bush broke NCAA rules. Mama Mack defends her young by trying to entitle her son, Vince, as the player who should get Reggie's Heisman, even if he didn't win it. Now I'm not going to sit here and accuse the pot of calling the kettle black by suggesting Vince took anything from anyone, or received any type of educational benefit to pass his class, or academically qualify, because that would be blasphemy. Recently Jesus Christ himself committed to UT. Clearly everyone wants to go there and if anything, UT is probably guilty for taking benefits from Vince Young just allowing him to be present at the single greatest university athletic program ever created.

Whether it's babying Vince about the Heisman, telling us all that Sergio Kindle (who has an underaged DUI to his name) has narcolepsy (or just likes texting through apartments at 75mph), Colt McCoy requiring the most awe inspiring, holy water blessed, peanut butter and jelly's to fix his poor outing on national TV, or even if it's to explain his own version of selfish tie breaking systems, he's ALWAYS THERE! Of course every excuse is loaded with hypocrisy and lies, but what else is a mother to do? She must protect her young. Perhaps it's this sort of babying that leads to the development of talented but disappointing ex players out of the program, often times riddled with law enforcement run-ins.

He's a fine piece of work. Watching Hard Knocks, we see a coach that reminds every ex-football player at any level of their skipper constantly giving you tough love trying to get the best possible ability out of you. Instead, Mama Mack Brown embraces adversity the way any mother does when their son comes home crying after getting dirt kicked into their mouth by the town bully: showers them with love and will take care of the problem for you. I'm sure when Limas Sweed is eventually cut from the Steelers, Coach Tomlin is going to get a stern talkin' to by Mama Mack Brown.

Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice....

SHAME ON ME!

If you haven't paid any attention (and because it's hockey, chances are you haven't), recently one of the NHL's biggest stars scored the longest tenured contract in league history. Ilya Kovalchuck signed an unprecedented 17, that's right, SEVENTEEN, year contract for $102 million dollars with the New Jersey Devils. In all fairness, the guy is absolutely ridiculous on the ice. He possesses a combination of size, speed, skill, and the natural ability to bury pucks in the back of the net that so few are gifted with. He, in every sense of the word (as a 27 year old with 338 goals already to his name), deserves a contract that is near the highest in the league. But to blatantly disregard integrity and abuse a loop hole such as this is both embarrassing for him and the Devils franchise.

After the lockout, the league didn't just come back on a shitty outdoor (oh the irony!) network, which allowed the rest of the country's major sports team to laugh in their faces, it actually came out with the intentions of financial stability. This meant a salary cap, the urge for reasonable contracts so the league could profit, and a responsibility to maintain the integrity of a well run league so that something like this never happened again.

Let me clarify the salary cap rules really quick:

Each team would be allowed only to spend a certain amount of money per year on the roster (simple, yes i know). Contracts would work as an average amount of money divided by the amount of years, no matter front loaded, back loaded, or evenly distributed. For example, if a player signed for 5 years and $50 million dollars, his salary cap "hit" would be $10 million dollars for each year even if he received $20 million the first, $15 million the second, $10 million the third, and only $2.5 million the final two seasons. Make sense? It gave some flexibility for clubs to spread evenly the cap hit as to maintain a more reasonable financial stability.

Now, let us check how this was almost instantly abused....

The first time we saw this was when a certain goalie, let's call him Rick D. .... no no.... that's too obvious..... R. DiPietro!, signed an unheard of 15 year $67.5 million offer with the team which was both mocked for absurdity as well as confusing for most hockey fans. Why would he sign for 15 years at only $4.5 million per season? What if inflation effects the value of the dollar? What if he didn't last the life of the contract? ....Oh, how naive were we.... I feel like I just watched Sammy Sosa smash a ball 1,000ft during an all-star game with a wood painted aluminum bat as his eyes bulged out further than Wiley Coyote just before the anvil hits. Perhaps it was because he was just 23, perhaps it was because he was a franchise caliber goalie (and the team would love to hold on to him forever, literally), or perhaps it was because we thought he was getting that spread evenly. Well, turns out it was for the same exact reasons outlined in the NHL's rejection of Kovalchuck's latest contract.

Don't mess with the NHL!

This is the best run sports league on this hemisphere (I only hold it to this side of the planet because of the nearly instant ban of vuvuzelas by the English Premier League, a league I am learning to love more than the any...). Never has there been such a pro-active league that not only does the right thing for the sport, but does the right thing to ensure fairness across the league. Sure the NFL has a "salary cap" but when was the last time you heard a team go anywhere near it? They abuse the system most of all by giving "signing bonuses" that are 80% of their contract while paying them pennies on the dollar as "salary". Even if the NFL took offense to this ridiculous abuse of the system, it'd take negotiations with the player's association, the owners, and likely wouldn't even be implemented until a year or two later. The NHL? Try two days! Immediately the league said "I'll be DAMNED if I'm fooled again!" and REJECTED it!

Kovalchuck had rejected a contract extension with the awful Atlanta Thrashers (yes, they have a team) which would have made him the 2nd highest paid player in the league (details: 12 years $101 million) which, at the time, seemed both honorable and selfless. He gets nearly identical money with New Jersey, but it's for an absurd amount of years. New Jersey planned on giving him $95 million of the $102 million over the first 10 years (reasonable), but spread out the $7 million over the next 7 years (um, yeah he's not Dan Carcillo....) all the while keeping his cap hit at a nice and easy $6 million.

Well the NHL will not be fooled into shaming themselves.

LeBron-a-thon!

Today is finally the day. We all get to sit around the TV and find out where LeBron (LeBrand) is going. No, there will not be a race by ESPN, or Sports Illustrated, CNN, Fox News, Yahoo! Sports, or CBS Sports to report the news. No, we won't need to frantically check our Twitters or Facebooks. We will find out his decision on a nationally televised hour long press conference solely on ESPN.

And that should tell you everything.

The timeline does not lie. First we were told the day he'd know, and we were okay with that news. Second we were told it would be a press conference. Okay, fine, that is usually how some of these things go. Lastly we found out that it's an hour long and on one network. Gee, do you think there is $omething driving that decision??

Precisely. This whole thing is about money.

Then we were told that the proceeds were going to charity (the Boy's and Girl's club). Yeah, okay. Why would ESPN want sole rights to this? To drive up advertising dollars based on potential ratings. You really think they did that for a charity? They make billions being the world wide leader in sports. They rake in ratings and advertiser dollars nearly every night dominating an entire genre of television. But they did it for "charity". Yeah, okay...

And there's LeBron. The humble kid from small town Akron, Ohio who always used to tell his grade school teacher he was literally going to put Akron on the map (because it was not visible on a physical map of Ohio in the class room). The same kid that stayed away from drugs and violence as outlined in his book co-written by Buzz Bissinger titled Shooting Stars. We were all lead to believe that this wasn't a guy that would irritate the people in a dire financial situation this country, and planet, is enduring. That this was a new type of person, one who is willing to potentially sacrifice athletic dominance to stay with his current beloved Cleveland Cavaliers, or sacrifice some of his salary to play with his two Olympic teammates down in Miami. Instead we are left with a 25 year old kid who's acting like he's fixing to pick a hat and decide which college he's going to, which is the perfect comparison considering the dirty recruiting that goes on with college athletics. We are left with a guy who is trying to save face by saying his egotistical "press conference" was using its profits to go to charity. The phrase itself is true and the charity will likely receive quite a nice amount, but really? LeBron James needs to hold a press conference (nearly like a tele-thon) in order to donate a significant amount to charity? I am not educated on his previous potential donations, but the last time I looked this kid was 18 years old and guaranteed over $100 million dollars to his name (90 from nike, 13.5 from his rookie contract) before he stepped foot on an NBA basketball court. The player who's very press conference is to announce which team is going to back a dump truck full of money in a long term contract (which will also include incentives based on marketing sales with his new jersey / number) into his pocket.

Fitting.

How noble is it? Had he never held a press conference, or even stated that he intended on matching the amount generated by said press conference, he would have saved face. If he wanted to donate to charity, then donate to charity. He doesn't need ESPN to help drive up the amount, he's got no chance of going broke like Scottie Pippen.

We are all interested in where he goes, and that is fair for us sports fans, but for the sake of his ego, don't watch. And don't be fooled that this is some sort of "charity event".

It's a chance for him to go through the attention seeking recruiting process he could have gotten out of his system when he was in high school.

I won't be watching, but my guess is this will be just as calculated, and even less authentic, than Wayne Gretzky's fake tears as he left his sweet little home town Edmonton for the glitz and glamor of Los Angeles.

Off Topic post of the week

To become a norm: I will post off-topic posts of the week, but this week's focuses on my lovely experiences biking to work here in Dallas, which was edited and published on my good friend Patrick Kennedy's blog where such things are the topic of conversation.

http://www.carfreeinbigd.com/2010/05/guest-post-bicycling-in-dallas.html

enjoy!

Patrick Kennedy is an urban planner who is car-free, opinionated, and a fellow sports fanatic.

Blizzard Bowl!

Previously, you have learned that I regularly think the NFL is not only the No Fun League, but also, the No Freaking Clue League. Not this time. The league has made one of the best decisions in history recently by awarding the Superbowl to New York City! Whatever, New Jersey, New York, same difference. The point is still the same: outdoors, cold weather, big city. THIS is what football is all about.

When it snows, everyone grabs a ball and goes out slingin'. When the XBOX is turned on, every kid plays in a blizzard with Miami or San Diego set as the home team. We love it. We all remember when the dumb cowboy player slipped and kicked the ball and we all remember the Raiders vs Patriots AFC Championship. SNOW! Nobody on the planet can explain to me why this is a bad idea. Don't give me that whiney "what about a warm weather team?!" garbage. If weather really was an issue, why do we allow the 2nd most important games (conference championships) be played potentially at a cold weather city? Why did the Raiders (warm weather team) have to travel to play in a blizzard versus the Patriots? Why would it only be a valid complaint if it occurred one game later? Please!

Who's to say there is even going to be a blizzard or sub zero temperatures anyway? How does anyone know? Are we using the same fortune tellers that ESPN uses to tell us the latest "for sure" information about LeBron? Whether the game is played in a clear night in the 80s or a down right snow storm in the 20s, it's still the Superbowl. For 16 games + playoffs teams don't worry (or complain) about the elements, so why cry if it's the Superbowl? It isn't like one conference is played in the south and one in the north like its a freaking civil war reenactment. Not to mention, teams are filled with guys from all different colleges across the country and from different places before that. There is no true "warm weather" or "cold weather" team.

For once the game will be played like it should be. Good for the NFL for drive by mooning the AIGs, Goldman Sachs, and other corporate douches of the world who ruin this game annually. Good for the NFL for pants-ing the sassy glitzy Jennifer Lopezs, Ricky Martins, and Lindsay Lohans of the world. If you don't want to go, THEN DON'T GO! I am 100% positive someone will buy your ticket, even at quadruple the face value.

The celebrities, executives, and stupid pre game crap might disappear because its cold, but the game and its real fans won't. Now if only the NFL would embrace the spread offense....

Witnessing Stupidity

Chicago, New York, New Jersey, Cleveland, France, Uranus, etc. Who cares? I get it, he's the best player in the NBA, is 25, and is likely to turn around any franchise immediately into title contenders, but nobody out there knows what he's going to do or when he's going to decide.

As this was typed, I had Sportscenter on as basketball analysts around the country claimed they had "sources" tell them not only where he wants to go, but who he wants to coach the team. They don't know anything. Unless you're his best friend, his girlfriend (whom he's fathered two children with and has known since his teens), or his mother, then YOU don't know anything. Even if you're one of these individuals, chances are you don't even have a clue. Constantly beating us over the head with this issue is stupid. I have even witnessed gambling odds on where he is going to be (Chicago opened at 40-1 odds but changed to 5-2 after Cleveland lost to Boston the other night). Fox News,... um... I mean ESPN..., has these talking idiots on television stating "I'm for sure, without a doubt, that he's going to _________ (insert city)". Really? I hope he retires just to make these people look stupid, as if they need his help..

These are the supposed key components for his off season:

1. Basketball Decision

It is up to him, but if he wants to be a basketball player instead of an icon of the NBA, then he should sign according to who he feels best supplies him the resources, both athletically and financially as an organization. Where does that stand? I don't know. You cant rule out any of the major players, or even minor players. Bottom line: who said he wants it to be a basketball decision?

2. Financial Decision

Personally, he comes off as the type of guy that would be open to signing for less to bring in more. He is a team player, a great person, a great teammate, and a humble / responsible individual (suck on that those who think you have to go to college to "mature"). If he chooses to sign for max dollar (no matter who he signs with) then you also cannot blame the guy who came from absolutely nothing until he got to the pros (and if you don't believe me, then go read his book that talks about the gang activity that occurred as he rode his bike frantically out of the ghetto every night). Bottom line: who said he wants it to be a financial decision?

3. Location, Location, Location

This is actually the stupidest of all the talk, but I will address it. New York is a cool city. Chicago is a cool city. Guess what: The NBA season is not year round. If he wants to live in New York, Chicago, AND Cleveland, he can do that because he's a) extremely rich, b) has more free time than anyone's vacation on the planet, c) can own a jet / bus or whatever transportation to get him anywhere instantly. Saying he wants to live in NYC or Chicago is stupid. Bottom line: who said he wants to live in a big city (or even small city)?

He seems like a loyal guy, but that doesn't mean he needs to sign in Cleveland. But after these very simple and obvious points outlined here, just sit back and wait. Don't shove words down his throat or start rumors like it's Sally spreading rumors about Johnny's ex girlfriend servicing the football team in the boys bathroom because you come off immature and flat out dumb.

We know he's going to sign, he's going to get a lot of money, and he's going to play basketball for the next decade. Quit trying to solve intergalactic space travel and accept the singular variable that is still undefeated: time. Until that contract is offered, or even signed, please, for everyone's sake, shut up.

Never Freaking Learn

The NFL just doesn't get it, and they don't care. Today I heard the exciting news that the NFL would finally switch the way in which it does overtime. This was exciting. The rules are simple: Team A wins toss, elects offense. If they score a touchdown the game is over, if they kick a field goal then Team B gets a chance at offense. If Team B scores a touchdown, game is over, if they kick a field goal, then we start all over under the previous season sudden death rules (first to score anything wins). Now, there are all sorts of things such as giving up a safety, which renders a loss that I simply do not care to discuss I'll explain why.

This isn't something you'll see in week one, week two, or week seventeen. It's something you'll see only in the playoffs, that is, if any playoff game goes into overtime. Now, most people have rationalized this and stated "oh! Well those are the games that matter most, that's where it should be implemented". No. That's fucking stupid. The NHL doesn't go from normal OT rules in the regular season to the 4 on 4 / shootout system in the playoffs, so what the hell is the NFL thinking?

The league has a proposed system in which teams vie for playoff spots for 17 weeks by having overly controlled Tiger Woods-esque game plans derived by psychotic obsessive-compulsive coaches, so to suddenly change the rules in which you're playing is entirely dumb. Period! Now, I like this overtime plan, don't get me wrong, but the NFL has to either propose it, first, for the regular season games and not playoffs (which in my opinion would also be dumb, but would be far more sensical than this plan) or adopt it entirely for every single game. To me, that's what should be done. But no, it's the NFL. The league that can be described as one thing: boring. You can sit there and pretend you get excited by it, but you don't. You fall asleep watching it on your couch on Sunday afternoons so you can relax before Monday starts all over again. Every time you think you see something exciting, the ref throws the flag and puts you back in your seat. That's all that is being done here.

If the NFL was ballsy enough, they'd just adopt the proven system used in college football and be done with it. This isn't going to happen in the league where Joe Buck (the guy who can't even make game winning drives in the freaking Super Bowl against undefeated teams exciting) is the premier announcer.

You don't change the rules of the game when you get to a new stage of the season. And before someone comments about the NHL doing so, I will remind you this: the rules are the same as the regulation for 82 games, plus the regulation periods of playoff hockey, so there isn't any new rules in place in playoff hockey at all, only in regular season overtime. They continue the manner in which they just played for 3 separate 20 minute periods until somebody scores.

So in typical NFL fashion, I got all excited thinking they did something "edgy", "progressive", or for the betterment of the game, only to find out that I'll have to wait (which is boring) and it'll wind up causing more controversy over some conservative decision that some coach will inevitably make during the next post season. Nice try guys, but you still don't get it. And judging your bank accounts, why would you care?

Spread Thin

What does it take to become the head coach at Texas Tech? Well, thankfully, not very much. Mike Leach was just some guy who ran Oklahoma's offense. He was some guy who slept in his car over night for the interview for his first chance at big time head coaching. The guy from Wyoming with no more playing experience than your washed up high school football friend and had traveled the globe so much in his career that you'd think he was looking for the fountain of youth wound up getting the job. Over the past four days while everyone anticipated what teams were going to make the NCAA tournament, a small fan base waited eagerly to hear the depositions of the four major people involved in the termination of Mike Leach.

Kent Hance went first. He outlined (under oath) exactly what went down including a memorandum sent by school president Guy Bailey stating that the matter of December 17th (when Adam James had been accused of being mistreated) be resolved in reprimand and the matter be closed on December 27th without termination. Well, apparently that didn't sit well with the face of our university, Craig James. Yep, the father of a below average, untalented, waste of a scholarship and former University ruiner himself was back to his old ways that ruined the SMU program: manipulation. Quite perfect that he's going into politics if you ask me. Kent Hance said under oath that Craig James was not satisfied with this matter and ordered Mike Leach be terminated. Hance then presented Craig James' concern to the Board of Regents who also shared the desire to terminate such a coach. Under oath Hance stated that the Board of Regents is not to have any responsibility in making decisions on personal matters such as a player's father being upset with the head coach, at least when his university president stated nothing to occur.

We all heard the lies spewed on ESPN and the poor little innocent voice of a "concerned father". Give me a break. Up next was Mike Leach. After being questioned for several hours he then spent a few moments to speak about being back in Lubbock, the place that mike lived and mutually loved one another equally. Through tears in his eyes and several heart breaking pauses, he fought back emotion as he said "It was a great 10 years. What can I say? It was 10 years." Hardly the coach that had the fan base divided questioning his intentions of leaving the university to pursue another job nearly every off season. He maintained his story and nothing had changed.

Sunday was the day, however. The day that the two noted liars (Craig and Adam James) were to be questioned. Under oath Craig James admitted that he hired a public relations firm to give manipulated information to the media in order to smear the head coach he wanted terminated (and that the PR firm created pseudonyms to litter the internet with the lies through blogs and message boards). Previously, during Kent Hance's deposition, it was noted that Craig James would not be satisfied with any other fate than termination. Then walks in Adam. Adam then finally admitted what we knew all along. The truth came out that the electrical closet videos were filmed under guidance of the PR firm (not during practice hours) and that at no time was he ever locked in, present in, or requested to go into the electrical closet. In fact, he even stated that the treatment caused no physical harm and that he felt the coach should not be terminated for the actions that took place on December 17th.

So there you have it. The smoking gun, if you will. Not earth shattering, but certainly something to knock you off balance. Texas Tech still claims the termination was due to Mike Leach not cooperating with the university when they unlawfully (and not contractually obligated) requested him to sign a letter that would essentially have him admit wrong doing with Adam and that no action similar would ever happen again. Why would he sign that? Well, not signing it was what got him fired, allegedly. The perfect situation. "Insubordination". Release the coach that the Board didn't want, that potentially future politician and ever so connected Craig James didn't want, but turn your back on the true identity of the university. Texas Tech had identity with Leach, something they craved as they often are turned aside as the school desperately searching for a rival, relevance, and respect in a conference packed with power and tradition. Mike Leach created tradition at Texas Tech, something that Craig James, Kent Hance, Gerald Myers, the Board of Regents, and every west texan couldn't. A lie that spiraled out of control caused confrontational meetings with the administration and beloved coach. A lie that led to his termination, for freaking nothing.

What does it take to get fired from Texas Tech? Well, unfortunately, not very much.

The Answer to hype

Man, we talkin' bout overrated. Not a good player, not a great player,.... we're talking about over hyped. Man, what we talkin' bout? over hyped? overrated?

Yes, we're talking about Allen Iverson. The highlight reel of garbage isolation basketball in the Post-Jordan era of the NBA with the perfect thug image of tattoos, braided hair, and "all me" image attitude that seems to be shaping a large majority of the country. Allen Iverson was a good player for a while, feasted on inflated statistics like it was a calorie count of a Big Mac cheese burger, but never a great player. That's right suburban white boy, take your Eminem mixed playlist driven iPod out of your ears and listen to what I am saying: he was/is overrated.

The moment he stepped into the game of basketball he was a punk with a lot of talent. Nobody will ever question the amount of talent the guy had, but you can always question his drive, his attitude, and his work ethic. This is a guy who was lucky enough to go to the ever so beloved basketball driven traditional power Georgetown, an even better academic institution... for free. This was a guy lucky enough to get drafted # 1 overall, play for a great city with basketball tradition, and play for one of the games greatest coaches. Problem is: he never reached his hype or potential. Was this because he was over hyped unfairly? No. He was talented, but he was the me-first generational problem in the NBA that haunted the league until the new wave of millenials took control. He played for riches, for image, and because it came easy to him.

The NBA lacked identity when Jordan began to fade. The next mega marketing scheme for the league was to get every wannabe thug suburban middle class jump shooting fundamentally driven basketball fan to bizarrely worship the very athlete they could never be. He stormed into the league with endless cross overs and consistent bricks (he never shot over 46% in a season), but man did he ever look "street" doing it. The image that had taken over middle class america (aka the economic growth of every NBA product) was all about image, not content. Who cares if the ball went in, at least you looked good shooting it, right? This was the attitude of Allen Iverson.

He was never a good shooter, but that never inspired him. Practice is the only way you get better, and no more telling of his attitude than the always famous "practice" rant the year after he won "MVP". Most "Valuable" Player... I guess so. Was he valuable because he was the games greatest? Not in my opinion. One can argue the fact that he was (by definition) "valuable" because he was on such a poorly talented team, but others can argue the reverse, which is that he made his players worse like a disease, the antithesis of Michael Jordan. He was a cold, a virus. Shot after shot, miss after miss, he would ask for the ball on the inbounds, dribble out the clock, and throw up an unconscious effort. For someone who appreciates the game of basketball, this always disgusted me. Thank god for the LeBron James effect that hopefully will bring the artistry back to the NBA because the "Michael Jordan Effect" sure gave kids across the country that thought that they could throw up every shot in the book. Problem is, Jordan shot 50% for a career. Iverson did not.

We all thought he "carried" the sixers to the NBA finals in 2001, but what did he go through? The Vince Carter led Toronto Raptors? Give me a break. Back then, it was more of the (L)eastern conference than a competitive NBA conference. No matter who came out of the east, it was nothing more than a sacrificial lamb to whichever Western Conference team made the finals. The most memorable image of the series? Iverson stepping over Tyron Lou. Exactly. A nobody. Big deal, just like Iverson's career. He shot horrendously from the floor and was an even bigger head case off it.

Everyone thought it would work in Philadelphia, and then Denver, and then Detroit, and then Memphis,... and then Philadelphia.... again. I never did. I laughed at the notion that the sixers did him a "favor" by sending him to a contender. They ridden themselves of baggage. There was a certain jealousy he expressed on Denver, for it was the first time he wasn't "the man" (even though it was his best chance at winning a title), then (in the single dumbest trade in NBA history) he wound up on a Detroit team willing to put up with his nonsense until he began to fake injury. This was a playoff team. I thought Allen "played his heart out for the game, for glory"? Nope. Just a selfish player who collected paychecks and always "kept it real". He wants his shots, his touches, his glory (even if the gym is empty). What a sad sight this off season it was to see this once cocky thug have to entertain ideas of playing in Europe and only have 1 team offer him an NBA contract (Memphis). Pathetic. Collected checks once again and moved on to Philadelphia. Now he's lying about his daughters health in order to get out of the one thing that would have made him great: work ethic.

It's really a shame. Practice. That is what made Jordan the player he was after being cut from his Varsity team in high school. Practice. That's what has made LeBron James a great shooter after his first season in the NBA. Practice. That's what keeps Kobe Bryant motivated to be the best, and to earn it. Practice. That's all it really would have taken. Practice. Get better, improve on your inflated statistics and finally choose quality over quantity. Practice. Being a good teammate, listening to your hall of fame legendary coach and learn the team aspect of basketball. Practice. Not a game, not a game, not a game..... Practice. But what are we talkin' about man? Oh that's right.... a waste of talent.

Happy "retirement"

The NFL combine nonsense

It's that time of year again where we wait to watch a bunch of ex college players walk around flexing in tights and have grown straight men drool over their bodies. It's almost like the strangely odd erotic tension between characters in Top Gun, but nevertheless it's here. Don't be confused, I love the NFL combine, I have watched some of it and followed some of the players to get a feel of how they measure up, but some of the stuff is just absurd. Scouts go nearly as far as measuring a players bulge in order to see if they'll make a fantastic 3-4 outside linebacker or lick their skin to see if they'll react anymore than Sarah Connor does in the jail scene in Terminator II: Judgement Day.

So grown men sit around watching this, some sleep (See: Mike Sherman), and some are Todd McShay. This guy is a riot. Everything with him is "explosive", and why the hell does he always have to act like he's pleading with the cops trying to justify his drugs and under-aged hooker in his car when selling us the "upside" of some meaningless division II player? We get it, Todd, you like to convince us all with your crazy measurements of players hands, vertical leaps, and meaningless measurements. Don't get me wrong, I love seeing guys like Colt (LETS GET THIS STRAIGHT: IT'S DANIEL MCCOY, NOT COLT... DANIEL MCCOY) not quite living up to the consistent lies told on a weekly basis about their height and weight on the roster, guys who coaches claim ran a -0.96 forty yard dash wind up running a 4.91, and the up and down swings of irrational draft bloggers and "experts" as they debate over what some drill means for a players draft status, which effects millions on that players first contract.

So what is the NFL combine, really? Is it football? No. Is it a try out? Kinda. Is there anything else on? No. This year was different because of the olympics, but usually there is absolutely nothing else on so people crowd around to see what a future offensive lineman runs in a 40 yard dash (as if he's EVER going to move more than 40 feet on a single play of his life). I agree with some of the scouting but not all of it. I understand the significance of certain drills but I don't need to be sold a Ford F-150, Todd. Let's break down the single most annoying event:

40 yard dash.

This is essentially the only event anyone knows about. It's actually one of the only times in any of these players entire careers where they're going to be in a 3 point stance and bolt straight down the field for 40 yards without anything else being concentrated on besides running form. Fantastic. I'm sure this is what separates the talent... It doesn't. Who cares what any of these guys run, really, besides Usain Bolt? This is a track event which means nothing to the game of football, but that said, there is so much hype around it. There is only so much science and physics one can grasp to understand the abilities of the human body, but this apparently is never taught to any NFL scout. We hear of these magical 4.15 40 yard dashes that sound like they're impossible... mainly because they are. In 2008 a Jamaican sprinter became the fastest human ever to set foot on the planet and even he (at top end speed, not starting from speed 0mph) didn't crack a 4.2 time in the 40 yard dash (estimated). Nobody runs faster than that unless its exaggerated, which it usually is. Case closed on that.

I admit it, I watch this type of meaningless crap because of my sports obsession, but I am not willing to take it as seriously as most people do. A guys bench pressing, running ability, vertical leap, and what he looks without a shirt on don't peak my interests. For some reason football fans (scouts and coaches included) will forever be fascinated with how powerful another man looks. I cannot figure it out, it's a cross between envy and attraction.

Rachel Maddow screws me

She's a lesbian, so it's not possible, but she still ruined my life. I owe this to Andrew Tully and the entire country of Canada: Congratulations... Yes,.. congratulations on the single worst ending that could ever happen in my life. I thought when Sidney Crosby won the cup that it would haunt me forever, but now I have this.

Epic game for many reasons. People around me, though I was acting quite the ass, were asking questions about hockey. Shocking, but awesome. Legitimate sports writers on twitter were saying things like "why don't I watch hockey more?". Well, this was a big game for the country of Canada, USA, and the entire NHL. Lesbian look-alike Sidney Crosby's game winner aside, the gold medal game went into sudden death overtime. Single biggest event ever. (Jeremy Roenick's words, not mine). Zach Parise tied up the game and got my friends up in the air chanting "U-S-A" like it was the day the Berlin wall fell.

"Play them ten times they might win nine... "

Herb Brooks, Miracle

Well, that one out of ten times was last Sunday. This was one of those other times. Dammit. Great tournament and great effort by every team involved. It will have a ripple effect in the NHL and potentially could get hockey past basketball assuming the NBA goes on strike / lockout (whatever you want to label billionaires yelling at millionaires while unemployment is over 10%).

Overall thoughts of the tournament:

I thought the scoring system was incredible and that the NHL should adopt it as soon as possible (2010-2011 season). The shootout is awesome for the sport, great for the casual fan, and provides many amazing highlighted plays, but it is not fair to score that victory the same as someone pounding the Atlanta Thrashers 6-0 in regulation. The Olympic tournament had it right:

Regulation victory = 3 points

Overtime victory = 2 points (shoot out or 5 minute OT)

Overtime loss = 1 point (shoot out or 5 minute OT)

Regulation Loss = 0 points

This still gets no ties in the NHL, but rewards teams accordingly. Simple enough, you just add another column. It's only fair. It may separate some of the teams in the 5 through 12 seed range that usually make the final month of regular season interesting, but it will reward teams that have really earned it and are truly the best in the game.

No Ryan Kesler going legend, in fact, Rachel Maddow went even more legend than ever possible. Congrats to Canada. Great game. This was the only thing the country wanted. Not medal count, not women's hockey gold, not free Molsons. This is what they got and they closed out the olympics the way movies end.

Gary Bettman Doesn't Get It

Like most psychotic hockey fans, I was drawn to tonight's Canada vs Russia game. Why? Because it's the single best collection of talent I have ever seen put onto an ice surface outside of some rinky dinky all star game where nobody tries. This is the one and only time you'll ever get to see this collection of talent go all out in one 60 minute game. So, why does this interest me so much outside of the obvious entertainment of the evening? Because it might be the last time any of us see it. That's right everyone, despite the nation pouring its heart out for the americans last sunday, and boosted MSNBCs ratings to new heights, the NHL owners, and NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman, are considering ending their player's involvement. Just check out my last blog entry to see if anyone cares about NHLers playing in the tournament.

Such an incredibly selfish and stupid move by the commissioner who has a history of seeing something people like, enjoy, and would grow the game of hockey only to do exactly the opposite. He is using the claim that owners lose revenue with the players taking 3 weeks off to play in the once every 4 year tournament even though he wouldn't sell the failed franchise of Phoenix to a willing buyer who's only demand was to move the team to Toronto (a thriving hockey market). I guess the commissioner has a short memory. The very night that USA upset Canada in a preliminary round game that basically didn't mean anything, you could find him talking to the media about the very reasons there is a discussion for aborting the NHL's partnership with the Olympics. It happens once every four years. There is no possible way the loss in revenue is that much considering they still play the full 82 games, and it happens only twice, and on occasion three times, in a freaking decade.

This isn't the Pro Bowl where star power participation is an issue, this is about guys playing for their country, not a fucking owner. Prior to tonight's game, announcer Jeremy Roenick (freaking awesome by the way) interviewed the planet's best player Alex Ovechkin. He talked about the Olympics, how much it meant for him, and they even highlighted the epic hit on Jaromir Jagr which set up a huge goal. A play we would have never seen if the NHL didn't participate in the games. Ovechkin has to be the most likable athlete playing professionally right now because the guy flat out says what he wants and doesn't care about greed. Roenick asked him about the potential situation with his home country Russia hosting the 2014 games and what he thought about the thought that Bettman would say he couldn't play:

"Just because someone tells me I cannot play, why is that going to stop me? How can someone tell you that you can't play for your country? The Canada vs USA game drew 10,000,000 viewers didn't it? To me, that would never happen with a bunch of college kids or AHL guys. [...] When someone brings up the topic it usually is all about one thing: money. I am happy with my money and I don't care if I lose it because I am going to play for my country."

Alex Ovechkin

That's the most selfless thing I have ever heard a professional athlete say. You may dislike Ovechkin, but likely, it's jealousy. The man is the best player in the world, plays reckless no matter what the competition, and is willing to skip 3 weeks of game checks to do something (for free) for his country. It doesn't sound like he'd rule out playing a season in Russia in 2014 if it meant he could play in the olympics (the KHL, Russian pro league, wouldn't hold players back so this is a real possibility). The NHL is concerned with the KHLs growth, trust me, and personally I think this is a move by Bettman similar to the political boycotts of USSR and USA hosted olympics. He is afraid of the KHL and wants to make a statement to that country that "his" league wants no part in it. Well, hate to break it to him, but nobody wants any part of Bettman. In fact, I have no idea why he is commissioner. The guy knows jack shit about hockey and even less about business (see: Phoenix Coyotes, Florida Panthers, Tampa Bay Lightning, Atlanta Thrashers, ect).

The league needs to participate in this tournament. It has become part of the games. We get our "who the hell is this guy/ gal" moments during the other shit, but please don't ruin hockey. Alex Ovechkin's Russian team just got their fucking asses kicked and they're hosting the next games, they deserve another shot. Not just because they're exciting to watch, but they're their countries best assets. They care about hockey and their country far more than some fucking dollars and cents. Bettman is so engrained in business and revenue that he's completely blinded himself from reality. Quite ironic his interview occurred sandwiched between two promotions for CNBC's documentary BOOMER$. Some things are more important than money. Apparently he hasn't learned that.

Ryan Kesler Does Canada

First, the Doors did the Ed Sullivan Show, then Debbie did Dallas, but Sunday Night Ryan Kesler did Canada.

I hate them.

That phrase will live forever. That was Ryan Kesler's response to a question about the Canadian hockey team prior to last nights game. At that moment he was put on the ledge. Either be shoved off and die, or scream at the top of your lungs and cause an avalanche that destroys thousands of pursuing warriors. Well, Ryan Kesler did just that. The game was the most intense hockey game anyone has seen in the last 5 years (including last years Stanley Cup Game 7). Ryan Kesler set the tone.

The Champ is here!!! The Champ is here!!!

Ali shouted this at the top of his lungs. Brass young man not worried about the juggernaut he was fixing to face, not worried about what people would write or say prior to the fight once he was served his expected ass beating. In a moment of dire desperation in the closing minute of a game so close to evaporating 57 minutes of hockey the Americans put together, Kesler delivered his kill shot. A play that is the metaphor of an entire locker room. A race to the puck that he had no business winning, a desperate dive that could have left the team in a 6 on 4 rush with the game on the line after being peppered like a chess club in paintball for the previous three minutes, he dove, connected with the puck, and slid it into the open net. Kill shot. Legend. Rename highway 75 after him, and plant two statues on either side in its farthest northern stretch.

The game had everything any fan of anything could ever imagine. No, change that, the game had anything any American could ever imagine. No, it wasn't the Miracle on Ice, in fact, it wasn't even the Belarus upset over gold medal favorite Sweden in the elimination rounds in 2002, but it was a statement. This team was probably sick of hearing the likes of people like me say that 2014 is "our year" and this olympic tournament would just be merely a trial before the young kids, that shocked the world 2 months ago, took over USA hockey.

Sure, along the way Ryan Miller played phenomenal, Rafalski got a hat-trick (Langenbrunner did not touch that puck), Sidney Crosby cried like a baby considering the first goal went off his stick, he totally dove to try to pull some cheap ass move to prevent a goal only to have Chris Drury go 2001 all up in his face, and he was sitting in the box responsible for the power play goal that wound up being the game winner. But nobody on the Americans did was Kesler did.

I hate them.

Well, thankfully for me and my fellow Americans, Canadians now hate you. But don't worry, they're flat on their back just like Sonny Liston and you're screaming "what's my name!?". Legend.

Significance of Tiger Woods Fiasco

Look, it's been beaten to death, but since a cold front bringing wind ruined my bike ride, I'm once again locked inside (the most exciting thing to do in Dallas). Tiger Woods' situation is epic on so many levels because it's the most iconic athlete of this generation essentially coming clean on an image that made him a global icon and perfect corporate face.

On the level of situation, I don't care what he did (in terms of taking advantage of his fame to notch a few on his bed post) because obviously the majority of men would do the same thing. That said, had he been 'that guy' from the beginning, then we wouldn't be surprised nor would we even care. The reason this story is such a fiasco is because that false image he built up was only for benefit of financial prosperity (something that has plagued the capitalistic society to the point we are currently in with this american and global economy). Here are the reasons this is just so shocking and should never be forgotten no matter if you support him, hate him, or are on the fence about him:

1. Consider the variable of who is involved: Tiger Woods. Are there other athletes of his stature on the planet? Sure are. Ask Derek Jeter. Derek Jeter is sponsored by Gatorade too, he hooks up with tons of famous girls too, except one difference: isn't married and isn't putting up a front. Had this been about him nobody would be nearly as shocked or care nearly as much because it is who he is and nobody ever questioned that. With Tiger Woods, not only were corporate sponsors sold a "brand" or "identity", but the public was as well. For Christ's sake, it's part of his contracts with certain sponsors to be the "family man" and remain married with kids.

2. Consider his false image. This brand was sold for corporate financial gain. He approached married with kids as an economic opportunity which is so diabolical (in my opinion) that I will forever be disgusted with the guy. I questioned his image from day 1 and always felt the announcers and the hype of the "legend of Tiger" was so over the top that it was like I was being sold a condo in Sandals Jamaica. I never trusted him for his knee injury (though I remain certain it was hurt, but his act on the course was just down right failed acting to the point that I felt like I was watching The Wrestler, only starring Nicholas Cage instead of Micky Rourke).

3. Consider the disappointment of a fallen "good guy". Imagine if this was Tim Tebow. Imagine if we all had found out that he is not a virgin until marriage, that his family is really just embezzling money from their charaties, and that they are nothing more than the evil scum that is usually surrounded with organized mega churches we see on TV or read scandals about. The Tebows are different. We trust them, and no matter how much we disagree with their stances on things, we respect the fact that Tim Tebow is putting who he is out onto the table. He is a man of faith and doesn't care who makes fun of it because he is who he is. When some others like Colt McCoy sort of pushes their faith a little too much or duplicate the missions to the developing countries like Tebow has, we question it because it is all a marketing plan for individual awards (Heisman trophy). To me, that is what Tiger Woods has done, only we all trusted him like we do with Tebow.

4. He maintained his lies. He has been in hiding and so silent about this for so many months that it makes me question why he felt he needed to lie in the first place and tell us all his wife was "saving him" that Thanksgiving night. This is something that speaks volumes about his character which is why we again cannot forget all of this. He wasn't trying to protect his wife, family, or keep people out of his personal business, he was trying to maintain his false image which had brought him so many sponsors that filled his pockets full of cash based on duping naive fans in order to push product. He could not control what happened next which is why he finally shut his mouth and let people run with the story, feeling he could just let it all off his back and hopefully control the media to "move on".

5. "Privacy". What exactly does that mean? To me, he wanted to keep his "privacy" for what exactly? Well, I think I know what it was. He had something to hide (obviously). He wanted to keep his "privacy" because he didn't want anyone to find out his dirty secret which would end many relationships with sponsors for being this clean cut family man golfer. Golf is all about sponsors. Sure, you win pretty significant purses for being the best player in the world, but it's not like the major sports. You earn a billion dollars because you net roughly 15 million per year in purses and another 75 million in sponsorships. No wonder he wants his "privacy". That privacy is in order to protect his 75 million dollar image investment he has with corporations.

His speech was exactly what we could all ask for. We don't need to analyze it or question anything more than the fact that he's still got things to hide from us (hence no reporters present or allowed to ask questions). That is all it was. A statement. He said everything we thought he would say and should say and that is that. I personally don't think he will change dramatically and I personally don't even like his stance that he feels he needs to change because I question his drive for economic dominance. "Changing" who he is just helps protect his wealth and continued partnerships with sponsors.

All in all, he'll never change what he does, but rather, who he does it with and how he controls things the media can get there hands on from this moment forward. Finally we know who he is, but unfortunately this will probably be forgotten in a matter of 2 years and a signature major victory which pushes him past Nicklaus for the all time record.

Introduction

Recently I have been encouraged to start typing up my extensive knowledge and analysis of sports in my own unique and always funny way. This blog will be something that keeps me happy and could possibly allow me to pursue a dream of spewing my nonsense for more people to see or hear than what this website will provide. Who knows? I don't know how it happened, but here I am living in Dallas, TX in a career not related to sports or being an asshole (my two specialities). I live in a city which is full of great friends, great experiences, and is "affordable" (nice way of saying sucks asshole, nobody wants to live there, and has nothing to provide like a beach, mountains, real weather, ect) though doesn't have anything I aspired for growing up or getting through college. Ranting aside, this is my life. People often say you should do what you "love", and I do love architecture, but just get bored. I never get bored with sports or telling someone (you) how wrong you are about your opinion on just about anything (thanks east coast raised father and rebellious mother).

Sports are everything. Almost everything people aspire for in life (in my opinion, which is right) is related to athletic glory. Just ask your corny boss that keeps saying those retarded phrases like "kick off" or "this is a slam dunk". It is on everyones mind. Sports just provide a way of settling every single argument. One person says one thing, the other says something else, and then it's settled once the final score is displayed. Just kidding, no way it's that simple, but I digress, it's the closest thing we have to settling any argument (another one of my specialties).

This is just my intro so you get used to the potentially offensive and often times crossing the line comments on my passion: sports. I am the guy that will watch the BCS national title, but also the Louisiana Tech versus Hawaii game on a tuesday night. I am the guy that you could love when praising your team, or despise if you have a douche like Colt McCoy on your roster. Either way, I am in your face about everything and that will never change. I am going to cross the line and offend you, so be prepared.

Ryan