The NFL combine nonsense

It's that time of year again where we wait to watch a bunch of ex college players walk around flexing in tights and have grown straight men drool over their bodies. It's almost like the strangely odd erotic tension between characters in Top Gun, but nevertheless it's here. Don't be confused, I love the NFL combine, I have watched some of it and followed some of the players to get a feel of how they measure up, but some of the stuff is just absurd. Scouts go nearly as far as measuring a players bulge in order to see if they'll make a fantastic 3-4 outside linebacker or lick their skin to see if they'll react anymore than Sarah Connor does in the jail scene in Terminator II: Judgement Day.

So grown men sit around watching this, some sleep (See: Mike Sherman), and some are Todd McShay. This guy is a riot. Everything with him is "explosive", and why the hell does he always have to act like he's pleading with the cops trying to justify his drugs and under-aged hooker in his car when selling us the "upside" of some meaningless division II player? We get it, Todd, you like to convince us all with your crazy measurements of players hands, vertical leaps, and meaningless measurements. Don't get me wrong, I love seeing guys like Colt (LETS GET THIS STRAIGHT: IT'S DANIEL MCCOY, NOT COLT... DANIEL MCCOY) not quite living up to the consistent lies told on a weekly basis about their height and weight on the roster, guys who coaches claim ran a -0.96 forty yard dash wind up running a 4.91, and the up and down swings of irrational draft bloggers and "experts" as they debate over what some drill means for a players draft status, which effects millions on that players first contract.

So what is the NFL combine, really? Is it football? No. Is it a try out? Kinda. Is there anything else on? No. This year was different because of the olympics, but usually there is absolutely nothing else on so people crowd around to see what a future offensive lineman runs in a 40 yard dash (as if he's EVER going to move more than 40 feet on a single play of his life). I agree with some of the scouting but not all of it. I understand the significance of certain drills but I don't need to be sold a Ford F-150, Todd. Let's break down the single most annoying event:

40 yard dash.

This is essentially the only event anyone knows about. It's actually one of the only times in any of these players entire careers where they're going to be in a 3 point stance and bolt straight down the field for 40 yards without anything else being concentrated on besides running form. Fantastic. I'm sure this is what separates the talent... It doesn't. Who cares what any of these guys run, really, besides Usain Bolt? This is a track event which means nothing to the game of football, but that said, there is so much hype around it. There is only so much science and physics one can grasp to understand the abilities of the human body, but this apparently is never taught to any NFL scout. We hear of these magical 4.15 40 yard dashes that sound like they're impossible... mainly because they are. In 2008 a Jamaican sprinter became the fastest human ever to set foot on the planet and even he (at top end speed, not starting from speed 0mph) didn't crack a 4.2 time in the 40 yard dash (estimated). Nobody runs faster than that unless its exaggerated, which it usually is. Case closed on that.

I admit it, I watch this type of meaningless crap because of my sports obsession, but I am not willing to take it as seriously as most people do. A guys bench pressing, running ability, vertical leap, and what he looks without a shirt on don't peak my interests. For some reason football fans (scouts and coaches included) will forever be fascinated with how powerful another man looks. I cannot figure it out, it's a cross between envy and attraction.